The Lies We Tell Ourselves
by ShadowFawkes
Summary: Songfic One night Nicholas sits in his loft and thinks of his life as a vampire, unknowingly being watched. Please R


Quick Note: The Song is 'Bring Me To Life' Evanescence. The song part is in bold and Italics. All of this, the song included, represent Nicholas's thoughts, except the end. Oh and I don't own Nicholas, LaCroix, or Forever Knight.

_**how can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home**_

Life and death, what do they mean? Can I ever attain mortality? Will he ever let me? He brought me across, made me what I am, can I really turn my back from him after all of these centuries.

**_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)_**

I sit on my couch looking at the blood drink that is sitting in front of me on the table. Its silent temptation calls to me. It is only cow blood, but the sweet seduction is there. I lean forward.

_**  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become**_

**_No_**, I will not go to that level. I will not let myself be taken in by its warning, by his warning. I have to resist it at all costs or else all the work I have done will be in vain. **_  
_**  
**_now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life_**

A low growl comes from me. This is just too frustrating. Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't he just let me go? I can't possibly mean that much to him that he would follow me through the ages.

_**(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become**_

Finally the urge over takes me. I grab the glass and down the drink. Of course I don't mean that much to him. Who am I kidding? He just wants to control me as he has controlled others. I mean nothing to him…nothing.

**_Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life  
_**  
**_frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead_**

_**all this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life  
**_

He cannot love me as his son. I am his slave and he is my master. That is how it started and how it is. No matter how much I wish it was not. I can never change who or what LaCroix made me. **_  
_**

_**(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)**_

_**call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become  
(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life)**_

**A lone figure hovers by the window. He had felt every emotion, heard every word, though none were spoken. The errant child wasn't any good at keeping his thoughts hidden. Perhaps he should have taught him how, but it had never occurred to him to do so. He frowned at the now sleeping form of his protégé on the couch where he had fallen asleep. He could feel the conflict going on inside of the child and wanted to comfort him, though he knew he would never allow it. He would probably say it was another one of his tricks. He placed his hand on the glass wishing it could have been flesh he was touching instead of glass. A tear falls down the side of his cheek, however he does not move to wipe it away. He wished it was possible to show the boy how much he really cared. With one last look, four words were said as if in a whisper lest they be heard; Mon Nicholas, Mon Fils. **

Mon Nicholas- My Nicholas

Mon Fils- My Son

_****_


End file.
